Here are some tips for tailoring your post to your needs...

The following are some common areas of potential conflict. Discuss these thoroughly. You may choose to put your agreement in writing.

Space - Which areas of the house are private to each individual, and which areas are to be used in common? Is there a place, either in a garage or curbside, for the live-in to park?

Neatness - Is it okay to leave your personal belongings lying around in the common areas?

Cleaning - Will you each clean up after yourself (kitchen, bathroom, common living areas), or is this part of the caregiver’s duties?

Noise - What will the “quiet hours” be? How early in the morning or how late at night would you expect to hear the phone ringing or music playing?

Guests - Will the caregiver have the privilege of inviting friends or family over to visit? To share meals? To spend the night? Where will the guest sleep? Is prior notice necessary?

Pets - Does either party have any pets? Are there any objections to this, or requirements (i.e., pets outside only)?

Schedule - During what hours is the caregiver expected to be available? Is he/she able to work at an outside job? Have free time away from the house?

Food - Who will shop and pay for the food? If separately, how will you label packages to know whose is whose? Will there be joint purchases (i.e., milk, flour, sugar)? Is cooking a duty of the caregiver? How many meals per day? Do you expect to sit down to eat together?

Utilities -Will the caregiver have unlimited use of the phone? What about long distance calls? What about long showers?

Sharing of Belongings - Will the caregiver have use of the washer and dryer? The family car? TV? Computer?

Values -Are either of you opposed to the use of alcohol or cigarettes? R-rated movies? Certain types of music? Do you expect to attend church services together? It’s better to discuss all of this now and avoid a poor match, than to just hope everything works out by itself.

Moving Out - What if the caregiver needs to leave before the agreed-upon period of time, or the homeowner’s health takes a turn for the worse, necessitating a hospital or nursing home stay? What if either party decides it’s just not working? How much notice will be necessary for the caregiver to move out?

If you are seeking assistance with caregiving, will you consider only those with CPR certification, prior caregiving experience, or training as a nurse’s aide? If you want someone who can take your loved one to appointments, do you have a car available, or will you expect s/he would have his/her own?

The more clarity you have and can express regarding your needs, the less room there will be for misunderstandings later. This is NOT a time to put your best foot forward; rather, be honest and open about potential pitfalls. If you are seeking assistance for your dad and he’s cantankerous, say so!

Note: Do not put any names, phone numbers, addresses or email addresses on your Needs Profile.

For extra help, we’ve included examples that you can click on while you fill out your personal profile.

 

Safety Tips

 

Since AbideWithMe.us does not perform background checks on its users, it is YOUR responsibility to exercise commonsense precautions such as you would when meeting a new person in any venue.  In that sense, meeting someone online is no different from meeting someone in person.

 

Take Your Time

Before divulging any personal information or meeting in person, you may communicate anonymously through our website until you feel comfortable proceeding.  Our policy prohibits listing one’s full name, postal address, email address, phone number, or other identifying information on the post.  Anyone interested in contacting you after reading your post will forward his/her post to your onsite mailbox. If that person’s post interests you, click “I accept” and your correspondence on our site begins.  Get to know the person.  Ask details about the person’s family and work history.  Discuss mutual expectations for your agreement. Have a trusted friend or family member review the information with you; two heads are better than one! After corresponding with the person, the two of you decide if and when to take the next step and correspond off-site.

 

Trust your instincts

The following could be red flags:

         Stories that just don’t add up

         Evasive answers to your legitimate questions

         Pushing to exchange personal info or meet before you feel ready

         Over-concern about money

         Blaming others for problems in one’s life (no personal responsibility)

 

 

Consider a Background Check

Some people may feel better with a background check.  Check your yellow pages under “Employment Screening Services”.  Services may include a criminal background check, including sex offender registry search, motor vehicle records, credit reports, verification of education and employment, and validation of social security number.  You may elect to purchase only the checks you desire.  Remember that a background check is only as good as the information provided, which would include legal name, birth date and social security number. Perhaps both parties could submit to a background check at their own expense. You may also do research yourself by typing the person’s name into a search engine, or by accessing public information (i.e. court sites) in the person’s area of residence.

 

Financial Considerations

It is probably safest to have a family member oversee the finances.  If the caregiver will be doing the shopping, perhaps a weekly allowance for groceries, gas, etc. could be given to her/him, rather than handing over control of the checkbook.  Automatic withdrawals can be set up to pay the mortgage and utilities.  Infrequent bills (doctor’s fees, real estate taxes, and the like) could be sent to a family member for payment.

 

Ask for and Provide References

You won’t want to do this until you’re ready to exchange personal information.  References could include pastors or elders (on church letterhead), work supervisors (on company letterhead), or prior landlords. 

 

Bathe your decision in prayer

The Bible tells us that the Lord will give wisdom without reproach.  Seek His will for your situation.

 

Meet in a Public Place

Your first meeting should be in a populated, public place.  You may each want to bring a trusted friend who can help you to “feel out” the situation.  At the very least, let a friend know where and when you will be meeting this person, and check in with him/her following your return. Do not travel with the other person until you know each other better; provide your own transportation to your meeting.  Bring a cell phone.  If you feel pressured or uncomfortable in any way, leave immediately.

 

Report Concerns to AbideWithMe

If you encounter someone whom you believe to be deceptive or dangerous, please contact us at admin@abidewithme.us so we can remove his/her post from our site.