Since AbideWithMe.us does not perform background checks on its users, it is YOUR responsibility to exercise commonsense precautions such as you would when meeting a new person in any venue. In that sense, meeting someone online is no different from meeting someone in person.
Take your time
Before divulging any personal information or meeting in person, you may communicate anonymously through our website until you feel comfortable proceeding. Our policy prohibits listing one’s full name, postal address, email address, phone number, or other identifying information on the post. Anyone interested in contacting you after reading your post will forward his/her post to your onsite mailbox. If that person’s post interests you, click “I accept” and your correspondence on our site begins. Get to know the person. Ask details about the person’s family and work history. Discuss mutual expectations for your agreement. Have a trusted friend or family member review the information with you; two heads are better than one! After corresponding with the person, the two of you decide if and when to take the next step and correspond off-site.
Trust your instincts
The following could be red flags:
- Stories that just don’t add up
- Evasive answers to your legitimate questions
- Pushing to exchange personal info or meet before you feel ready
- Over-concern about money
- Blaming others for problems in one’s life (no personal responsibility)
Consider a background check
Some people may feel better with a background check. Check your yellow pages under “Employment Screening Services.” Services may include a criminal background check, including sex offender registry search, motor vehicle records, credit reports, verification of education and employment, and validation of social security number. You may elect to purchase only the checks you desire. Remember that a background check is only as good as the information provided, which would include legal name, birth date and social security number. Perhaps both parties could submit to a background check at their own expense. You may also do research yourself by typing the person’s name into a search engine, or by accessing public information (i.e. court sites) in the person’s area of residence.
Financial Considerations
It is probably safest to have a family member oversee the finances. If the caregiver will be doing the shopping, perhaps a weekly allowance for groceries, gas, etc. could be given to her/him, rather than handing over control of the checkbook. Automatic withdrawals can be set up to pay the mortgage and utilities. Infrequent bills (doctor’s fees, real estate taxes, and the like) could be sent to a family member for payment.
Ask for and provide references
You won’t want to do this until you’re ready to exchange personal information. References could include pastors or elders (on church letterhead), work supervisors (on company letterhead), or prior landlords.
Bathe your decision in prayer
The Bible tells us that the Lord will give wisdom without reproach. Seek His will for your situation.
Meet in a Public Place
Your first meeting should be in a populated, public place. You may each want to bring a trusted friend who can help you to “feel out” the situation. At the very least, let a friend know where and when you will be meeting this person, and check in with him/her following your return. Do not travel with the other person until you know each other better; provide your own transportation to your meeting. Bring a cell phone. If you feel pressured or uncomfortable in any way, leave immediately.
Report concerns to AbideWithMe.us
If you encounter someone whom you believe to be deceptive or dangerous, please contact us so we can remove his/her post from our site.